Dear Love:

The way I love you makes my heart ache. Morning always smells delicious when you’re around. I cannot live without you, I ache when you’re gone, when you’re not around. My head feels heavy and I mourn your absence. I would do anything for you. I love you, I love the way you taste, the way you kick start my day.
But I can’t take the abuse any longer. I can’t take the physical pain. I can’t do this anymore, the addiction is getting to me. The expensive demands and the headaches that come when I can no longer afford you are too much. I think we need to see other people. I’m sorry to do this to you, I really am, but I think I would be better off with orange juice. I love you coffee, I always will, but orange juice treats me better. There are other caffeine addicts out there, younger even, you’ll be fine.
Love M

Worst day at Work

The store was a mess. People kept coming into the store but no one bought anything. Shoes were scattered, shoved into boxes they where they clearly did not belong. I was pushing the ladder, rounding the corner to size seven and a half when I heard her cries for help.
“Help me. Help me…. Heelllp meee.” I was confused at first. They weren’t cries for help really, more a whiney act of desperation; or more likely, laziness.
As I peaked my head around the corner, I noticed that no one seemed to be looking for help. Just a few people pulling the shoes from their boxes and then putting them back improperly. As I returned to my work I heard it again.
“Help meeeeeee”, this time in a slightly annoyed tone. I shuffled around the corner once more and stared at this women browsing the size tens.
“Heeellllppp, meeeeee.” I stared in horror as she casually yelled for “help”, for me, while happily looking for the right heals. All she had to do was walk to steps around to the next isle to ask me politely. Not only that but, I had been in her isle not 2 seconds before her cries.
I approached with caution. “Are you finding everything alright today?”
“There you are!” she exclaimed. I’ve been searching this store for you everywhere.”
“What can I help you with?”
“See this shoe”, she shoves it in my face. “it’s been worn, I need a shoe that hasn’t been worn.”
“I’m afraid that is the only one left in a size 10. They sold out quickly this year. I can assure that the residue on the bottom of the shoe is just lint from the rug. That’s what happens people try the shoes on.”
She took a step back, the baffled look her face slowly phased into a glare. “Oh my Lord”, she cackles, “what kind of shoe store is this?”
The words for a reply eluded me. Thank goodness, she never gave me enough time to come up with one. She set the shoes down on the counter and headed for the exit, violently tearing through the isle.

However, even though she was so disgusted with the shoe. I still see her in the browsing the isle ever three weeks. Every now and then, she still yells for help without even looking up.

Jacks Version of the story

Sitting her stuck at a foreign countries naval base is not a good way to spend a vacation. Its gonna take at least 3 days for the money to reach us, and that’s if they ever let us use the phone. Jill glares at me from the other side of the deck. Acting like it was all my fault.
“I would have never agreed to that race if I were the one in control.” She had rambled on and on in a tantrum like manor all the way from the ship. She didn’t care that they were all laughing at me, at her, at us for being stupid enough to get caught. She didn’t even notice when one of the guys pulled out a camera phone and started taken pictures, or filming the thing, or whatever he was doing.
The fine for jet skiing to close to the cruise ship is about 500 dollars. Not to mention the additional payment of repairs to the flooded jet ski. I keep asking them if or when I’ll be able to call someone, or we’ll be able to leave. But they keep speaking to me in Spanish, thinking I’m able to understand them. Every time I tell them I have no idea what they’re saying they look at each other, dramatically throw back their heads and laugh.
Another flash goes off followed by an uproar of howls. The one holding the camera hunches over in snorting in between gasps and giggles.
After about 6 hours I was finally given the go ahead to call my sister and have her express air male me about one thousand dollars.
“I told you, no questions. It’s not like I’m asking you to give me one thousand dollars. I’m just giving you permission to withdraw from my account and send it to me.
It’s not illegal. Can you just send me the money?
I got picked up the Mexican Navy Jill and I were Jet Skiing. And there was this other couple. They kept running circles around us, they wanted to race. So I we raced from one booie to the other. And I would have had him too, if it weren’t for that god damn Banana Boat.
The little yellow floaters shaped like bananas attached an over sized Jet Ski. They created an artificial wave and I hit it too fast and nosedived straight down.”
I could hear her snickering on the other line, followed by muffled snorts and a deranged giggle, almost an exact imitation of woody the woody the woodpecker.
“After the Jet ski flipped over it filled with water and we floated over towards the cruise ship, where we were thrown a life preserver by a Mexican navel ship. I told Jill not to grab for it, that someone else from the rental tent would come out to get us. But she didn’t listen. And now we are stuck here until we can pay them.”
Like I had predicted it would take three days to get the money. Untill then we were given the tile floor to sleep on with throw pillows from the couch. Jill and I haven’t spoken to each other since then.